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Thursday, April 4, 2013

Too Hot Tempered When You Discipline Your Child?


by Arthelo Palma

Parental Discipline And Temperament
High temperament associated with parental discipline leads only to extreme anger and may over power love. 
Providing for my children also involves careful consideration of their diverse and unique behaviors and personalities. Some of these manners as integral parts of their innermost being as I strongly believe are acquired from their immediate environment. From the theory based on psychological perspective, the environment could play a great influence on children’s behaviors and personalities. No one could contest the fact that a growing toddler acquires unique, but sometimes even bizarre behaviors as he relies on adult supervision. Now we should not put the blame on these growing children why they tend to become hard headed, would not listen to us with only a few words or sometimes there is need to threaten or implement punishment as we demand obedience from them. Let me tell you this, it is not their fault why they act that way, but we parents must ask ourselves why our children behave the way they do. How do you discipline them?

I am so convinced everything that God allows to happen in my life is all because of His grace and mercy. His grace and mercy abound everyday because of His never-ending love. As a Christian, I apply this principle to how I actually discipline my children, making sure there will always a genuine love associated with it.

Are you disciplining your children with love, or out of anger and sometimes due to being scuttled out of patience?

Based on God’s principle, it came into my mind that discipline without love is actually a pure punishment that will likely to end to a worse case scenario. I believe the discipline that every parent should put into practice with their children must have the basic foundation of love.

Let me tell you this. I'm convinced that discipline without love is a pure punishment and this usually results to children who will not be significantly trained up to grow with the right thing in life.

Discipline and punishment are synonymous because both of them demand obedience and execute authority. 

However, you don't want to hear that your children are just actually obeying you because of fear for such overwhelming authority you have as their parent. But you want them to obey because they understand what you demand from them is the right thing they must do. I'm sure you don't want to raise children who are confused and lack of self-esteem when they grow. 

So as early as now, discipline them with a certain purpose. You must discipline them because your goal is to give them a brighter future, and not because you are fed up with the way they respond to your authority. Disciplining your children with your purpose of desiring the best outcome for them is not a punishment, especially when your love for them as parent prevails. Your love as parent could only prevail when the moment you inflict pain or discomfort on your children must not under the influence of your overwhelming anger or stress level hormone, but because you want them to live a better life in the future, which is a kind of thought showing an exact manifestation of love.

In psychology, when “negative behavior ensued by negative consequences” there is realization of punishment (Feldman, 2003). Punishment has the objective of understanding the negative consequences of the negative behaviors and the other way around. However, children are unique individuals trying to acquire learning that sometimes could be based on trial and error. A positive reinforcement of this learning activity is necessary for them as they do not have sufficient understanding of the different forms of negative behaviors as they continue to learn things. For them, everything could be done for only out of fun and game. We have to understand they do not think the way we mature adults do, but they could understand us. It is therefore important that after you inflict them with pain or discomfort explain to them everything so that they would understand the logic behind negative behaviors and negative consequences. Do not be presumptuous that they always get what you mean, but understand that they have so much to learn from your discipline. Know that your children can learn both from our verbal and non-verbal communication, so better apply this principle in the most efficient way.

But I also believe that each individual character and behavior is unique and could be innate. The bible proves this (Hosea 12:3). But I also believe these behaviors can be enhanced or even influenced more by the environment. If this does not make sense, the bible should have not told us about training a child. “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it” (Proverbs 22:6).

Training a child must be a combination of both love and authority. Discipline is an integral component of it. Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them (Proverbs 13:24). Parents, now is the time for you to apply discipline to your children with authority, and above all with love as the basic foundation.

Reference

Feldman, R. S. (2003). Essential of Understanding Psychology (5th ed.). New YorkNY: McGraw Hill.

GOOD READS



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